Because of You
by missblueeyes63
Summary: Really short stories (for me) of all Team One (Sam, Jules, Spike, Wordy, Ed, Greg, Lou) and some of my OCs (Matt, Blaze, etc.) inspired by the song Because of You. Each chapter will be a stand-alone story that will focus on a few lines from that song and a how they related to an event in each character's life.
1. Sam – Because of you Jules

**Because of You**

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 _ **Summary**_ _: Really short stories (for me) of all Team One (Sam, Jules, Spike, Wordy, Ed, Greg, Lou) and some of my OCs (Matt, Blaze, etc.) that are inspired by the song Because of You by Kelly Clarkson. Each chapter will be a stand-alone story that will focus on a few lines from that song and a how they related to an event in each character's life. The lyrics inspiring their thoughts will be_ _ **bold italics**_ _. Each chapter will be titled with the listener and the because of you person._

 _ **Setting**_ _: These will be tiny snippets throughout the timeline, no order and will depend on the person hearing the song. Like Alphabet Injuries and Unacceptable Nap Locations each chapter will be a stand-alone snippet._

 _ **AN:**_ _My muse is killing me here. I keep trying to finish at least one of my stories and she say nope you are gonna write this. I've tried to ignore her but she blocks my other stories until I type out what she want me to type._

 _So based on the premise of these stories in my defense for starting yet another set of stories …_ _ **Because of you**_ _Muse,_ _ **I've learned the hard way**_ _… not to ignore you and to write what you want me to write. Now please let me finish at least YHABL or RoMCSB. Sadly I don't think she is listening to me…._

 _I do not own Flashpoint or any of the characters from that series. I do own my original characters (OC).  
_ _KELLY CLARKSON lyrics are property and copyright of their owners._

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 **Sam – Because of you Jules**

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 _ **Sam's Apartment – 2:00 am**_

Sam paid the cabbie and rolled out of the taxi. He looked up at his apartment building and seriously considered curling up in the stairwell. No, Ed would find out somehow and read him the riot act.

He staggered forward and somehow made it up ten flights of stairs and into his apartment. He had been out drinking with Spike and Lou again. They had learned their lesson not to drink on a work night. Ed had made sure of that. Ed ran their asses off that day. It was not something Sam ever wanted to repeat.

But they were off for the next three days so getting ploughed on beers tonight was okay. Sam closed his door and threw his keys on the counter. Sam laughed as he watched them slide all the way across and land on the floor on the other side. It was amazing to him that the keys didn't hit any of the old half eaten containers of food or empty beer bottles that cluttered his counter.

Sam weaved his way to the couch and flipped on his stereo as he made his way there. The music filled his room. He needed some music to distract his thoughts.

He nearly tripped on the shoes, clothes and pizza boxes strewn about his floor. Sam allowed himself to fall onto the couch. For one brief moment he thought the General would surely dress him down for the pig sty state of his apartment. But it was quickly replaced with who cares?

Certainly not Jules.

Sam laid back and tried in vain to quash the pain that came with thinking of Jules.

He focused on the song that was playing. He had no clue who sang it or what it was called but he listened to the lyrics to distract himself.

 _I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_

 _Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

 _I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
_ _ **I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with**_

 _Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
_ _ **I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
**_ _Because of you  
_ _ **I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me**_ _  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

 _I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

 _Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
_ _ **I try my hardest just to forget everything**_ _  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
_ _ **I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty**_ _  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

 _Because of you  
Because of you_

Sam thought yeah, because of you Jules, _**I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty**_. It will always be empty without you in it. You chose the team over me.

Now I get to watch you date. You went out with that smug paramedic Steve. Yeah jewel of the prairie is out with someone that can never love you as much as I do.

You love me ... but you didn't want me. I wasn't worth the risk.

Because of you Jules, _**I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life.**_ I have to go to work every day just to be close to you. If I don't smile and laugh the guys will think something is up.

Now if that isn't fucked up I don't know what is. But I'll do it because I don't get to chose who I love and I love you Jules.

Because of you Jules, _**I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me**_. I gave you my heart and you ripped it out and shredded it. Trust has never been easy for me. I trusted you and you betrayed me. How can I trust again? It hurts too much.

You knew about Sara. I trusted you with my vulnerability. I trusted you with my heart.

Because of you Jules, _**my heart can't possibly break**_ … you knew, you knew … _**it wasn't even whole to start with**_.

Because of you Jules, _**I try my hardest just to forget everything**_ I wish I had _**learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**_ but I didn't.

Because of you Jules … … … _*snore*_


	2. Spike – Because of you Lou

**Spike – Because of you Lou**

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 _ **Sam's Apartment – 6:00 pm**_

Sam looked at Spike sitting on his couch simply staring at nothing. Spike was hurting so badly missing Lou. Sam knew what that was like. He was trying to help. The Boss and Ed fully supported him taking a week off to try and help Spike.

He had not left Spike alone for the past five days. Those days had been hell for Spike.

Christ they were hell for him too. He missed Lou also. Landmines. Fucking landmines here. Over in Kandahar it was expected but not here. Not here.

Sam blew out a breath. It wasn't time for him to dwell on his own hurts and pains. It was time to help Spike through his pain.

He stood and turned on the stereo. Music was helping Spike like it had helped him. Hell like music still helped him.

Sam said "Spike I'm gonna go get us some dinner now. I'll be back in about twenty minutes. Call if you need me."

He got no response. Sam didn't really expect one. Luckily Spike ate whatever he brought. It was a good thing he knew some of the things he liked but he had called Jules for advice a few times.

Sam grabbed his keys and headed out. He was a little worried leaving him, even for twenty minutes. But they had to eat and the Mongolian BBQ place did not deliver. And perhaps Spike needed just a few minutes to be alone with his thoughts.

Spike was in his own world. He barely registered Sam's words. Something about dinner and being back and to call, blah, blah blah. Yeah, okay.

Images of Lou swam in his head. It hurt so badly. But he was angry too. Angry that Lou insisted on disarming that bomb. Bombs were his job not Lou's.

Trying to push down the anger Spike focused on the song that was playing, _Because of You_. Sam played some weird shit. But he was right. Music helped him deal with his emotions. But how the hell did he deal with being angry with his best friend, his brother?

Spike listened to the words. The rage and anger burst forth and Spike surged to his feet.

He yelled "Because of you Lou. _**I am afraid**_. You stepped on a god damned landmine. How the hell can I do my job being afraid?"

Pacing around the room Spike unleashed his anger.

"Because of you Lou, I can't do my job. _**I watched you die.**_ You stepped off that landmine, _**you never thought of anyone else.**_ "

Spike thought I'm so mad at you. You should have let me try the water transfer. But you didn't give me a chance to save you.

"Because of you Lou, _**now I cry in the middle of the night**_. I can't sleep. All I hear is you telling me it will be all right and then the explosion. Well it isn't alright!"

Tears flowed down Spike's face "I'm left behind. I don't know what to do without you Lou. _"_

"Because of you Lou, _**I don't know how to let anyone else in**_ _._ You were my best friend, my brother. No one will ever mean as much to me. You were always there and now you are not. I can't let anyone else in. It hurts too much."

Spike sank down to his knees and sobbed. The tears, pain, anger and agony of Lou's loss overwhelmed him.

"Because of you Lou, _**I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. I watched you die. I am afraid**_ to let anyone in again."

Sam opened the door and saw Spike on the floor. His heart went out to him. He heard the last sentence. He could relate. He had been afraid to let anyone in again after Matt died.

He put dinner on the counter and went to Spike. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around him. Sam whispered "I know what it feels like to be afraid to let anyone in again."

Spike turned and looked at Sam through teary eyes. His voice was hoarse from yelling and cracked a bit as he asked "Why are you doing this for me?"

Sam was quiet a long time as he simply held Spike. His eyes teared up and said in an emotional voice "Matt. Matt would want me to help you like he helped me. When I saw you in the tech lab and you said you were done. It scared me Spike."

Spike pulled away from Sam and he let him. They both sat on the floor. Spike asked "Scared you?"

Sam wiped at the tears in his eyes "Yeah it did. When I killed Matt I thought about suicide. When you said you were done I thought you might try that. It scared me to think I would lose another friend. I've lost so many I can't bear to lose anymore. You …"

His voice broke and he had to stop and gather himself. Then Sam continued "You and Lou have become so important to me. Losing Lou is hard for me but I understand how hard it is to lose the one man you would do anything for. The brother that has always been there and could read your thoughts before you even knew they were your thoughts. Matt was to me what Lou was to you. It hurts. It still hurts sometimes."

Sam dropped his eyes and covered his mouth as a sob escaped "I was so angry with Matt for some time. How could he do this to me? How could he leave me? Alone. I watched him die. I killed him. He shouldn't have been there. I was doing my job."

He looked at Spike his pain evident "We both lost our brothers in a horrible way. We were both doing our jobs and our brothers died and there was not a damned thing we could do about it. It is a loss we will never quite get over. There is a measure of guilt we both will carry the rest of our lives no matter that rational thought tells us it wasn't our faults."

Spike wiped at his eyes "How do you do it? How do you live without him? How do you get past the fear and let others in again?"

Sam stood up and reached out a hand. Spike took it and as he rose Sam said "Come on. Let's eat dinner and I'll tell you about Matt. Matt was a unique man. He always spoke about the beauty of life. Matt helped me see it in some of my darkest days. Let me help you see the beauty of life."

Six hours later Sam peeked into Spike's room, his spare room. He saw Spike was actually sleeping. That was good. He had shared a lot about Matt and how he helped him ever since they met in boot camp. It seemed to help Spike a little tonight.

Sam turned and headed for his room. He left the door open so he could hear if Spike had another nightmare.

As he laid his head on his pillow Sam whispered "Because of you Matt I'm gonna be able to help Spike. Thank you, Matt. Hey Lou, I'll take good care of your brother. He is in safe hands with me. I'll see him through the pain and help him find the beauty of life again."

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 _ **AN: Bold italics**_ _are the song lyrics, will not be repeating the whole song in each chapter - you can always refer to chapter 1 for the song._

 _My muse promised that if I wrote this one she would let me get back to YHABL even though she already has concepts for Jules, Wordy, Matt and Blaze. She better not welsh on her promise :)._


	3. Blaze – Because of You Daphy

**Blaze – Because of you Daphy**

* * *

 _ **Hospital – Blaze's Room**_

Blaze lay in the hospital bed in the fog that comes upon waking from surgery. His emotions were all over the place. He was feeling guilty, furious, sad, hurt, frightened, devastated, ashamed, hopeful, powerless, remorseful, shocked, terrified, and lost. Oh so very lost!

He could not cry. His jaw clenched. No tears. He had no right to cry. He had cried for her already. He had grieved once before. He could not grieve again. Not again.

Donald's hand clenched on the remote of the TV. Absentmindedly he flipped through the channels not paying attention.

As the pain of his failure ripped through his heart again Blaze dropped the remote. He lost her once before. Her death had nearly killed him, literally. He would be dead if not for Blondie. Then and Now.

But now he might lose her again all over again. It was his entire fault. And not only would he lose her again but a precious innocent life too.

A life that brought great joy to him. A life that brought great joy to Blondie. A life they never ... they never expected. Ben. Matt's son.

Blaze's ears heard the song that played from the TV. He didn't register more than it was a painful song full of angst, it fit his mood. He began to listen.

When it ended he switched off the TV and hurled the remote against the wall as anger reared its ugly head and as the full weight of his failure crashed down on him. His failure cost him dearly. It cost Blondie dearly too.

His mind was so jumbled by pain and anger and guilt.

Blaze bellowed "Because of you Daphy, _**I cannot cry**_."

The nurse popped her head in and asked "Are you okay Sir?

Blaze growled out angrily "I'm fine. Just leave me the fuck alone."

The nurse nodded and closed the door. She was happy to comply; her patient was in a foul mood ever since he woke from surgery. That gun shot to his hip was sure to end his career. There was probably no coming back from an injury like that. She would give him his space to come to terms with that.

Blaze kept his thoughts to himself not wanting to draw the nurse again. He glared up at the ceiling.

Because of you Daphy, _**I cannot cry**_. I cried so much for you already. I cried like a baby in Blondie's arms all night long when I found out you were dead.

You were dead. Five years gone. Five years dead.

But you didn't die. You weren't dead. You were alive.

I can't say goodbye to you again. But I fucked up and …

Blaze pounded one fist on the side of the bed repeatedly. He should have immediately requested a better safe house. They were taken because he screwed up. He forgot to play on the safe side and he got hurt. They got hurt. Blondie got hurt too.

His voice aching with both anger and pain Blaze ground out "Because of you Daphy, _**I've lost my way**_."

He thought, oh god, _**I heard you cry every night in your sleep**_ after Mom and Dad died. You were so little and so scared. So was I. I was so scared.

I know I was just your brother but … I loved you like a brother and a father.

It was so hard but I tried to be a good parent for you. But _**I was so young**_ … _**you should have known better than to lean on me**_. I should not have let you join covert ops. I should have put my foot down and locked you away safely.

Damn, why did you have to be so headstrong?

No, no it's not your fault. Not your fault. Mine. My fault.

This is all my fault. I should have been better. I should have protected you better.

Because of you Daphy, _**I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk**_ again. I'm a soldier, I take risks, but if you come back safe I can _**learn to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**_ , so you don't get hurt.

You relied on me to do the right thing. But I failed you. I failed your son. I failed Blondie and Matt.

Blaze took a shuddering breath in as his memory of Ben crying out for help and Daphy trying to reach him overwhelmed his senses.

Oh god, I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry Daphy.

Because of you Daphy, _**I'm afraid**_ , so very afraid. I'm so lost. It hurts so much.

I lost you once, I cannot lose you again. I cannot survive losing you again.

You better hang on. Blondie is coming for you. Blondie saved me once when you died. Blondie saved me when I failed you and Ben. So you better hang on.

Please protect Ben until Blondie gets to you. Because if you don't … my failure to protect little Ben ... it will surely kill Blondie.

And if you die again I will die too. I cannot lose you again Daphy. I cannot go through that pain again. It hurts too much.

Blaze reached up and swiped at something on his face. It was only then he realized he was crying as he felt the wetness on his cheeks.

The hurt welled up and Blaze covered his eyes as he let the tears flow as he cried for his little sister one more time.

As the the crying and emotional storm ebbed Blaze slipped into a drug induced sleep and his last thought was please hang on Daphy, Blondie will save you, it's what he does.

.

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 _ **AN:** For those that may not have read my other stories or cannot remember which one this occurred in you can refer to chapter 9 in One Hot Summer Day. This little snippet is set after Blaze wakes up from surgery on his thigh, hip and shoulder after getting shot at the safe house and Daphy and Ben are taken by the terrorists. _


	4. Jules – Because of you Dad

**Jules – Because of you Dad**

* * *

 _ **Hotel – Sam & Jules Room **_

Sam watched Jules as she listened to Beauty curled up on the bed. After her meeting with her dad in the hospital today just before they were released Jules needed some time to process her feelings. The whole ride to the hotel she was so very quiet. It worried him greatly.

So he offered her Beauty. She had just looked at him with eyes wide and mouth open in disbelief.

Jules had said "But Beauty is special. It is yours. Matt created it just for you. No one has ever listened to it except you."

He had smiled gently and held Beauty out to her to take as he said "We are one Jules. Everything that is mine is yours too. Matt would approve. I know he would want you to listen to Beauty. Matt would want to help you too."

Jules had slowly taken Beauty from his hands and put in the earbuds. She had bitten her bottom lip as she hovered over the power button and hesitated to turn it on.

Sam had leaned down and kissed her cheek lightly "I'll be here if you need me sweetheart."

She had gone to the bed and sat down. With one last look at him asking with her eyes 'are you sure?' Sam had nodded then she laid down. He had taken a seat at the small table in their room and turned to gaze out of the window. He would be here but would not intrude in her thoughts. It was something she needed to work out for herself.

Sam wasn't sure how long it took her to finally turn it on. But fifteen minutes later he heard Jules softly signing along with the songs. Jules had a dulcet voice and it made him smile. At first that is. Sam heard when her tone changed to sadness and bitterness as she belted out the lyrics of a song.

He recognized the song. It was a powerful song. Depending on how you were feeling or what you were thinking, different parts of the song could resonate with you.

Sam was surprised when Jules sat up on the bed and pulled out the ear buds. She laid Beauty gently on the bed then he watched as Jules stormed to the bathroom. Jules resolutely closed the bathroom door. Sam heard the click of the lock.

Quickly he got up and went to the bathroom door. Sam laid his good hand flat on the door. "Jules, sweetheart, are you okay?" he asked. Then he thought, stupid question Sam, of course she is not okay.

Jules called out "I need a shower."

Sam heard the hitch in her voice. He was worried but Jules could close off quickly if he pushed too hard "Okay. You want me to wash your hair and back?" Again with a stupid question Braddock, there is no way you can even do that with one hand.

Jules called out "No, just leave me be for a while. I want to be alone. I need to be … Please."

The begging note in her voice was not lost on Sam. He pitched his voice to show concern but confidence "Okay Jules. I'll give you some time and space. I'm gonna go talk with the General for a few moments. When I come back maybe you will be ready to talk. If not, that is okay too. Just remember, I love you sweetheart and I'm never turning my back on you. Never."

Sam heard the shower turn on. He would not have left if he had heard Jules' sob that the sound of the shower covered. But he didn't hear so he headed out of the door to have an important talk with the General. He needed to know if he was going to actually going to prison and that was a conversation he could not have in front of Jules because Sam could not add to her stress right now.

* * *

 _ **Hotel – Sam & Jules Room – Bathroom **_

Jules turned on the shower, mostly because she did not want Sam to hear her crying. She could no longer hold back the hurt and the sobs burst forth. She didn't even bother to undress. Jules stepped into the shower fully clothed.

She sank down in the corner of the tub and pulled her knees close as the tears mixed with the running water. It hurt so badly. So bad!

Jules cried and then screamed. But not a loud scream; it was a silent scream. It was a scream of … of … grief, sorrow and heartbreak for what could have been for what should not have been and for the years lost.

Her internal voice screamed and cried and raged in despair at the injustice and sought answers to questions that could never be answered.

Why?

With no answers forth coming Jules' mind switched to blaming. The feelings were intense as her mind gave voice to words that would never pass her lips.

Because of you Dad, _**I never strayed too far from the sidewalk**_ and _**I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt**_.

You burned holes in my heart. You shattered it then threw it on the ground where you abandon things. A father should not do that. You broke your vow to Mom.

Why?

Because of you Dad, I found _**it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me**_. You left me so wounded I had to put up walls and hide my soft side. I built walls to keep from getting hurt again.

Because of you Dad, I almost lost the man I love. Those walls and fear of being hurt made me choose the team over Sam. I almost lost him because of how you abandoned me.

Because of you Dad, _**I was afraid**_. You never knew but _ **I watched you die**_ a little each day after Mom died. _**I heard you cry every night in your sleep**._

 _ **I was so young**_ , but you left me. Your grief for Mom was all consuming you had no time for me, for your sons. _**You just saw your pain**. **You never thought of anyone else**._

Because of you Dad, _**I've learned the hard way**_ that love can hurt. You left me when I needed you most.

 _ **You fell so hard**_ when we lost Mom.

Jules' mind rolled on that one. Dad fell so hard; so hard that in his grief nothing else mattered. Nothing and no one. His love for Mom was everything in his life. When she was gone he lost his way.

Could she be just like him?

Her thoughts of what she tried to communicate to Spike as she fell off that roof came back to her.

Yes, yes she could be like her father. If she lost Sam she could be consumed by grief. If she allowed it, nothing and no one would be able to penetrate her grief.

Eventually she could see herself clinging desperately to everyone she loved and trying to ensure they were safe to avoid feeling such grief again. Emotion and fear that strong could drive her to make horrendously bad choices.

Just like her father.

A little of the hurt and anger towards her father slipped away. He was human. He made mistakes. He loved intensely like she did.

His world crashed in on him when Mom died. Just like her world would crash in on her if Sam died. He had done things to protect his heart from more pain without realizing the pain he was causing her and her brothers.

Jules wiped at her eyes. Then she turned her face into the spray of the water. It was soothing like a warm renewing rain.

The final pieces of her heart, the ones that lay off to the side for so many years, the ones belonging to her dad, melded together with the rest of her heart.

With understanding, her heart truly became whole again. Softly with peacefulness Jules had not felt since before her mother died she spoke her feeling aloud.

"Because of you Dad, I will not _**lose my way**. **I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far**._ Should I ever lose Sam I will grieve, deeply, so very deeply but _**I will not make the same mistakes that you did**_. I will not shut out the others I love. I will rely on them for strength to go on until I can be with Sam again.

Jules stood and removed her clothes, showered, wrung out her clothes then wrapped herself in a towel. She needed Sam. She wanted to thank him for sharing Beauty with her, it helped.

Because of Sam she had found a way to cope, to understand her dad and find a way to forgive him and heal. Sam had helped her find the beauty of life, once again.

Jules whispered "Thank you Matt for creating Beauty for Sam and teaching him how to find the beauty of life when things look their bleakest. Beauty helped me too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

She felt an ever so slight shift in the air and looked around but did not see anything. Jules smiled and added "You know Matt, I don't know how but I get a sense that you are still watching over Sam and protecting him. For that I am thankful too."

As she sat down on the bed Jules looked up at the ceiling and whispered again "Mom, I love you and miss you. I know Dad will never break his vow to you again. He will not hurt me again. I can forgive Dad now."

Feeling drained by her emotional storm and physically fatigued by the concussion Jules reached for her pain meds and popped two pills chased with a drink of water. She laid down on the bed and pulled the warm blanket around her. She drifted into a peaceful sleep waiting for Sam to return to the room.

.

* * *

 _ **AN:**_ _A little teaser for the next chapter of YHABL (which is almost finished) and a little nod to TOGA at the very end. Perhaps I'll write this one from the guardian angel's perspective too someday._


End file.
